The Rosen Venture (series)
The Rosen Venture is a series started by DrHotelMario and produced by various other Rosen poopers, including 256Pi. It exists separately from The Rosen Family Chronicles's plotline and is not considered canon, as this particular incarnation of Michael Rosen is very different from 256Pi's character (this one being very dirty-minded, criminal, overall just a big jerk). Strong language is used frequently in the series (and as a result this wiki page also contains quite a bit of it and is not meant to be censored, be warned). DrHotelMario and 256Pi bookend their parts with announcements using their own voices, while RandomAxe, Are109, Dave-K and Nintendom64 just show clips of previous episodes. The theme song is "Mahalageasca" from the Borat OST, or in 256Pi's parts, "Hey U" by Basement Jaxx. Related: The Rosen Venture Cast (S1) Episodes Episode Plots The Rosen Venture Part 1 * Michael introduces himself, telling people that some think he's sexy, some think he's really hot, and some think he's a noice piece of arse. * Michael is at work and is checking out his boss (Michelle Rosenbloom), who gets peeved at him, saying "NOOOOOOOOO Sexual Harassment". But Michael ignores her, slapping her arse and saying he wants to fuck her tight SnanS. (The SnanS counter goes up by one.) She gets angry and fires him on the spot. * Not long after, Michael is seen on the street inside a cardboard box, completely broke. He needs a joj job, so he looks through the nosepaper newspaper to see the classified ads. First he sees an ad for reading and presenting for money under Roger Stockburger, but he can't take that job as no one with a prior criminal history or a vagineck is allowed to take it. (Also the email snans69@activerog.com is seen but the SnanS counter does not go up.) Then he sees an ad to become a Gay Sex Slave and preform gay sex acts on strangers for money, but Michael won't take a job from someone who can't spell "perform" properly. Finally he sees an ad for someone who needs a babysitter (but actually probably only wants to have sex with Michael specifically). Michael willingly takes the job. * Michael arrives at Slutty McFucksalot's house to take the job as "babysitter" (pictured). Slutty first takes care of the kid (by telling it to fucking shut up) and then invites Michael to her bedroom. The two make love behind a "THANKFULLY CENSORED" screen. Suddenly, Slutty's brother (who appears to be R. Lee Ermey) enters the room and sees Michael in bed with Slutty. He says "Holy jesus, you fucked my sister!" The Rosen Venture Part 2 * The episode begins with Michael's narration. He and Slutty McFucksalot are in bed together and are staring at R. Lee Ermey. Michael plays out the situation in his head. He could lie and tell him that he's not really doing his sister in the SnanS, but then Ermey would say "Don't say don't, sayas", or probably "if I hear about your SnanS, your SnanS, or the SnanS in your SnanS, if I hear about any of it once more, I shall givethethevigvooshah." Or something like that. But that never happened, as instead of talking it out, Michael immediately got out of the bed and ran out of Slutty's flat as fast as he could. * A short scene with R. Lee Ermey chasing Michael around their apartment building ensues. Try as he might, he can not get Ermey to get off his trail. Michael thinks quickly and points out a tree out of the window. A crowd of people flock to see this tree (pictured), including Ermey. Michael uses the opportunity to escape the building and is about to call a taxi, but then remembers that he forgot to pick up his money from his "babysitting" job. Michael re-enters the building, searching for Slutty's flat. He finds one and tries opening the door, but the door's locked, so he breaks it down. Unfortunately, he has broken into the wrong flat, and inside is Michelle Rosenbloom, holding a gun and threatening to call the police. The Rosen Venture Part 3 * Michelle accuses Michael of sexual harassment again, but Michael denies it, saying he didn't harass anybody, and then wondering what she's doing in Slutty's flat (not realizing this obviously isn't Slutty's flat). Michelle still says she won't let Michael get away with sexually harassing her and breaking into her flat, and Michael says that she can't do anything about it (he's motherfucking Michael Rosen, after all). She challenges him to fight her. Michael comes out on top easily, tying her to a chair, duct-taping her mouth shut and stealing her wallet on top of that. * Now holding some money with him, Michael tries to leave the building and call a taxi again, but is cornered by the police, who have come to arrest him for breaking and entering. Michael asks them if they're on the ground floor, and when the officer says that he is, Michael breaks through the window and escapes. He runs down the street with the police following close behind (pictured), and he says "Get out of the way" to some citizens and then breaks into someone's car where Subway can be seen in the background. At first he thinks he's escaped, but the police have gotten into their own car and started chasing him. Michael sees an opportunity to ditch them when a train comes by, separating them from Michael and giving him enough distance to escape, then saying "You can't catch me, motherfuckers!" * Having escaped from the police, Michael searches for somewhere to let things cool down for a while. After looking past some wanted posters of him, he sees a sign for "Hoah Ship Caribbean Cruises" and decides to get on. Michael asks to board the ship, and the security guard asks for an ID. Michael gives him Michelle's ID and the guard somehow accepts that. Michael gets on a lawn chair and falls asleep. Suddenly he is awakened by a large gang of pirates. Michael is confused, but then the captain announces to him that he's taken over the ship, and Michael is their prisoner. * After the outro Michael appears in the corner to make the SnanS counter go up by one. The Rosen Venture Part 4 * Michael asks what the pirates are going to do with him, but the captain just snaps "Shut your mouth or face the consequences". Michael then says he'll beat the living shit out of them. Before the captain can react, Michael shoves the lawn chair into them really hard and fast, knocking them over like bowling pins. A large fight ensues, with Michael easily beating most of the crew senseless and killing some others with their own swords (also one killed by the sword randomly explodes for some reason. Shouldn't have put nitroglycerin on that sandwich :P) Eventually Michael runs out of crew members to beat up, so he triumphantly proclaims "It looks like I kicked your arse!" but then the captain holds him at gunpoint. * The captain forces Michael to walk the plank. Michael jumps off the ship, but then lands on a conveniently placed speedboat (sent to him by Drive Properly), which he uses to get back to the city. The speedboat falls in the middle of the street and Michael says that it feels good to be back on land. Unfortunately he has forgotten about the police, who show up immediately and hold him at gunpoint again (pictured). That's when Michael's brain starts doing things. You know, popping out of his skull, barking like a mad dog, and shooting the officer in the face. But instead of dying from the gunshot, the officer suddenly transforms into a giant Older Rosen. * The police try to shoot down the giant Older Rosen, but it shoots a fireball at them, killing them and sending Michael flying. The giant Older Rosen tries to eat Michael, but is distracted by a jet that shoots at it instead. Michael is then thrown into R. Lee Ermey's flat again. At first Ermey, in disbelief that Michael is in his flat, says "Holy jesus", but then holds Michael at gunpoint again, saying "You fucked my sister." Before Michael can respond, the giant Older Rosen can be seen roaring not on the floor but out the window. * Michael says SnanS one more time before the outro ends. The Rosen Venture Part 5 * Michael asks Ermey not to shoot him, apologizing for doing his sister in the SnanS. Ermey pretends to forgive him, saying, "I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you; you can come over to my house and fuck my sister." Michael of course has already done that and visibly shows that he likes the idea of fucking his sister again, angering Ermey, who says "BULLSHIT, YOU DIDN'T CONVINCE ME!!!" Michael threatens to put Ermey out of the window, but Ermey doesn't believe him, so Michael says that he has chocolate cake, luring the giant Older Rosen to grab the both of them out of the window. The giant Older Rosen eats Ermey, and is about to eat Michael as well, but Michael shits his pants, making Older Rosen repulsed by the smell, and throws Michael into oblivion. * Michael flies halfway around the Earth and crashes into a UFO. Michael looks around the ship, eventually running into its owner. The ship's owner, The Cthoogle, suddenly gets very angry upon hearing that Michael is inside his ship, and chases Michael away. Michael hides under a box, temporarily making the Cthoogle go away. Michael then gets an idea: spaceships drop bombs, so maybe he can use this one to get rid of the giant Older Rosen. Michael fiddles with the spaceship controls and shoots a bomb directly at the giant Older Rosen. This sets off the spaceship's alarm, so Michael opens up the escape pod and gets away. * The bomb hits its target, but is more powerful than Michael had thought. (Or Michael just didn't care if he ended 20 million innocent lives.) Not only is Older Rosen killed by the bomb, but the entire city is decimated. Thankfully the escape pod lands on a beach far enough away from the city that Michael is safe. Michael walks onto the beach, and is immediately held at gunpoint by the pirate captain, who says "I think you're in really big trouble". The Cthoogle also lands its spaceship on the beach and holds Michael at gunpoint as well. * After the outro, Michelle is seen among the city's ruins, still tied up and with duct tape over her mouth. We can see that she has survived the explosion when she opens one eye. The Rosen Venture Part 6 * Michael is still being held at gunpoint by the pirate captain and the Cthoogle. Michael repeatedly says "Well, that didn't go as well as I hoped" but the captain gets annoyed and tells him to shut up. Michael points out that he was just trying to lighten up the situation, after all people hold him at gunpoint a lot. The captain can relate (although the Cthoogle can't). Michael tries to point out that they're not so different, but the captain still wants revenge on Michael for what happened in Part 4, so he prepares to shoot him anyway. The Cthoogle freaks out and Michael ducks, and the captain and the Cthoogle shoot each other. Michael looks up to see the captain on the other side of the beach and the Cthoogle with his head buried in the sand next to his UFO. Michael takes the opportunity to leave, breaks into a nearby car, and drives off. * Meanwhile, later that night, in the huge wasteland left behind by the bomb, Michelle is walking around and finds a phone booth. She calls Drive Properly, to tell him she needs to leave the area. Drive says to bring Michael, but Michelle catches Drive up to speed. The SnanS counter goes up a few times as Drive attempts to figure out what exactly is a SnanS, but Michelle throws the SnanS counter away in annoyance. As she is about to continue explaining what happened with Michael, Michael accidentally drives over the phone booth and cuts off the call. Drive wonders if it was a good idea to send Michael his speedboat, and Michelle expresses her desire to get revenge on Michael. * Michael, Michelle, and the captain arrive at a nearby airport. Michelle has come via a taxi driven by Mad Mothz. "Don't shoot me", he said. The captain beats up a pilot and steals his hat. Michael goes through customs, and is asked by Older Rosen if he's a pirate or Michael Rosen. Michael answers honestly at first, but when several guards hold him at gunpoint after he says he's Michael Rosen (pictured), he claims that was a joke, and they let him past. Are109 then appears to steal back a boombox playing his theme song. * Michael gets on the plane, and falls asleep. The pilot, actually the pirate captain in disguise, removes the disguise and holds Michael at gunpoint. Michelle, also on the plane, holds Michael up as well. Michael wonders how they found him. Michelle yells at him for running her over with his car, and Michael admits he didn't know that anyone had survived the bomb. The captain then tells Michael that he disguised himself as the pilot, but then Michael wonders who is flying the plane (of course, nobody). * The captain rushes to the cockpit to stop the plane from falling out of the sky, but only makes the plane go crazy, making Michael and Michelle bounce all over the place. Michael crashes into him and attempts to take over. Meanwhile, the Cthoogle is flying his UFO and is temporarily relieved that the captain and Michael are no longer around. Michael and the captain try to control the plane, but only crash it into the Cthoogle's UFO. They all fall down towards a nearby city, with the plane almost hitting the street. * After the outro, the SnanS counter lands on Older Rosen. He appears to be interested in it. The Rosen Venture Part 7 * During the intro, Michael laments that all he really wanted was a shag, and Dave-K interrupts him and tells him not to talk about his sex life. Also The Cthoogle's spaceship crash-lands, and the plane with Michael inside crashes into the Cthoogle as the latter is sending a message back home. * Following all of those shenanigans, a strange portal opens up in space and a massive starship exits it. Meanwhile, on the surface, Older Rosen is being Older Rosen, running amok the streets, screwing around with the SnanS counter, and talking to it (mentioning that his real name is Lemon). Lemon tells the SnanS counter that he was actually the giant that was attacking the city (albeit now shrunken down) and came from Michael's mind. He tells the SnanS counter not to tell anyone about it, but as he's talking, a spaceship starts shooting at him, causing him to get mad before being hit by one of the lasers. * Several alien ships exit the larger ship from earlier and begin flying down towards Earth. There is a loud noise, and Drive leaves his building to investigate what happened, only to get reeled up by a Macintosh-brand tractor beam. Michael and the others get out of the plane, but as Michael is wondering whether they're okay, they all hold him at gunpoint again (including the Cthoogle). However, they are all dragged up by tractor beams as well. Michael wonders if it's finally time to get a moment's peace around here, but he is dragged up by a tractor beam as well so he doesn't suppose he will. * A friend of the Cthoogle's takes Michael, Michelle, Drive, and the pirate captain to see the Motherfoogle (who looks like some kind of koi). The Cthoogle wants them to pay for wrecking his ship, but the Motherfoogle decides that they won't serve any purpose to them and lets them go. As the Motherfoogle is telling the Cthoogle off (for taking his 'birthday bomb' to earth), the others decide to leave. Michael asks if Michelle will kill him, but she says that after surviving a plane crash she just wants to go to bed. Michael thinks of exactly what you'd think, and Michelle gets mad at him, telling him to stop thinking about her SnanS for just a moment. Michael then realize that the SnanS counter is gone. * Lemon, who seems to have been transformed into a laser somehow, hits the mothership and sends it flying out of control. Everybody tries to escape. Michelle and The Cthoogle are trapped on the same ship (now loaded with several more bombs), which flies into a black hole. While Drive and the pirate captain escape in a separate UFO, Michael and the mothership float into the black hole as well. As Michael and the ship get sent to some alternate dimension or wherever, Michael remembers a poem his parents used to tell him. * Also, Lemon, who seems to have grown larger than the Earth itself and is kind of just an outline (your guess is as good as mine at this point, also pictured), eats the SnanS counter, which after the long delay finally increases by one. The Rosen Venture Part 8 * Michael, still in the mothership, flies into the black hole, which takes him through an alternate dimension which resembles Space Cadet Pinball. The ship eventually gets spit out of the alternate dimension, and floats around in space. Michael walks around the ship for a bit and realizes that it's empty aside from him; everybody evacuated before the ship went into the black hole. Meanwhile, a certain UFO drifts by the mothership. * That UFO, unsurprisingly, contains Michelle and the Cthoogle. Michelle has beaten the Cthoogle into near-unconsciousness, and she links up the ship with the mothership and meets up with Michael. Michelle states to Michael "hands off my SnanS", raising the SnanS counter by one. She then requests that he help remove all the bombs that the Cthoogle loaded onto the ship in the last episode, and Michael does so. * After they clear out the bombs, Michael wonders where they'll head next. Michelle tells him that they'll be taking the UFO to get home. Michael wonders if this means going back through the black hole, but Michelle points out that the black hole actually spit the mothership exactly where it started, and they're within fairly easy reach of Earth. After a bumpy flight, they land in the English Channel and end up on the shore. Michael notes that he swam the English Channel. * However, the Cthoogle is still alive, and he still has one bomb left that Michael and Michelle missed. He angrily activates it and flees, while Michael and Michelle also flee, although the bomb turns out to be a dud. Michelle later goes over to a phone booth to contact Drive Properly so they can get a ride to the nearest hotel. However, Drive has been kidnapped by the pirate captain. Michael notices his ship on the horizon, while the pirate captain sails it towards them. * AVGN makes a cameo at the end of the outro to raise the SnanS counter by one. The Rosen Venture Part 9 * While Michelle sarcastically identifies the ship as an ice cream van to Michael, the pirate captain shoots a cannonball at them, sending them flying. Michael lands on the ship (of course) and the captain knocks him out. Meanwhile, Michelle lands off by a road in the distance. She raises the SnanS counter by one, and in order to find somewhere to sleep, steals a car driving by. * The captain (whose name is revealed to be Captain Shoehorn) wakes Michael up and notes that he rented the ship from Drive Properly (who in turn notes the irony of the situation, only to get nailed by a bomb). He takes out his sword and is just about to "put them in their place" when the ship gets hit by a bomb as well, thrown by a Marmamaid. While Captain Shoehorn shoots a cannonball back, Michael notices a coast guard ship and trades places with one of the coast guard ship's sailors (Rog). * As Michael escapes, Captain Shoehorn takes out his cheesy clipart hats, which turn anyone wearing one into a pirate Older Rosen (or Yohoholigan). He puts one on Drive Properly and Rog, and then fires a giant cannon which shoots said hats all over the place. Michael gets on the shore (knocking a fisherman out of the boat) and goes off to buy a train ticket to France, however he is informed by the guy at the ticket stand (Mama Luigi) that the only ticket available goes to Hackney Landfill, by which he is unfazed. As Michael is waiting for the train to arrive, the Yohoholigans ambush the staff of the train station and surround him. Michael tries to get away by disguising himself as a trash can, but his disguise lasts even shorter than the one in The Royal Snatch. Michael runs away at top speed. * Meanwhile, the Cthoogle is stuck in space traffic. One of the clipart pirate hats shoots out of the Earth's atmosphere, bouncing off of the moon in Lemon's hand and several different planets before finally getting stuck in the side of the Cthoogle's ship, which flies all the way back to (where else) Earth, landing right next to Captain Shoehorn, and then chasing back after the captain hoping to get revenge for wrecking his ship. He is about to fire his lazor when Captain Shoehorn pops out from under his hat, making the Cthoogle shoot upwards, directly into Lemon, who spits up R. Lee Ermey, who is somehow basically unharmed, and of course lands directly on top of Captain Shoehorn and the Cthoogle. Both Ermey and the Cthoogle hold Captain Shoehorn at gunpoint. * Meanwhile, the train station is still running rampant with Yohoholigans. Three of them steal a train, go way too fast and smack into another train, which bounces them back to Captain Shoehorn's ship and the Cthoogle's ship (where all things seem to land these days). The self destruct on the Cthoogle's ship activates and everyone is sent flying again. * Michael, still running away from the Yohoholigans, catches a bus. One of them, in an attempt to tackle Michael, tackles the bus driver (Billy Mays) instead, making the bus go at top speed, run over a hitchhiker (who appears to be Richard Hammond) and finally smack into the car Michelle is driving. Meanwhile, the train (with Captain Shoehorn, Ermey, and the Cthoogle still trailing on it) crashes into Michelle's car as well, and they all fall off a cliff. * Michael wakes up with the train, the bus, and the car all wrecked at the bottom of the cliff, and gets out to find himself held at gunpoint by Ermey, Captain Shoehorn, and the Cthoogle all at once, while the three Yohoholigans come out of the train and behind Michael. Also, elsewhere, 9 different Yohoholigans all raise the SnanS counter up to 31, breaking it (maybe temporarily). The Rosen Venture: Finale (Part 1) * TO BE FINISHED!! Dying of the Light: A Rosen Venture Story * This is a full sidestory from the point of view of Lemon, more or less directly following the events of Part 7. Having been transformed into a metaphysical being made out of light, he goes into a full-on poetic monologue, contemplating his origins of having been born from Michael's mind, the current situation of Michael having fallen into a black hole along with the Foogle mothership, visions of the future of the universe, and other existential things that I can't properly summarize in an article like this. But, a billion years into the future, Lemon finally disappears into nothingness... * and then we return to five minutes after the start of the video, where Lemon has decided to change the course of the future he's seen. He eats the SnanS counter as seen at the very end of Part 7, shoves Michael in the mothership into some other time rift that returns him to right above Earth as seen in Part 8 (also flicking the SnanS counter into said ship when it won't shut up), and various other goings on as seen in other parts of the series, as well as a short scene connected to RandomAxe's Skyfoogle series that Lemon also prevents from getting out of hand. * Finally, we see a short scene that is presumably the first couple of seconds of Part 10, and Lemon disappears into nothingness once again, noting that even if his antics kill him, he won't let Michael live in regret, finally closing the video with him saying that this is only the beginning. Category:Episodes